I have to be honest, I don’t like being called “Brother Heuer.” Why? Because that’s not who I am as an identity. I’m Tim. (For the record I don’t like being called Mr. Heuer either.) I know that generations grew up differently and have a whole ‘respect your elders’ mantra to them, but it just seems as a society we’ve progressed beyond that. People call my children by their first name, so why shouldn’t my children call them by their first name?
Anyhow, on to the brother/sister thing. I know other religions practice this similarly as well. As LDS members I see this practice mostly under the roof of a Church building. Rarely do I see members of the Elder’s Quorums waiting at the bus stop referring to each other as Brother Smith. So why do we feel so compelled to do so? It is an odd thing for me and maybe it is because I haven’t grown up with it. We do have friends that insist on our children calling them Sister so-and-so and despite our wishes for their kids to call us by our names, they will not allow them to do that. I have to respect their parental authority however perverse (kidding, of course) it is.
I’ll say it again: I am Tim. There is no “Brother” on my birth certificate. Others may say it is out of respect for the position you hold. If that is the case, why don’t the Elders Quorum members call each other Elder instead of brother in the hallways? Good morning Elder Heuer. But that would confuse us with the missionaries I guess. I do, however, break my own rule with regard to Bishops and Stake Presidents. Why? Great question, I guess it is an elevated title for me – probably the same reason I wouldn’t walk into the White House and say “Hey George, how’s it hanging?” But outside of Church, I call them by their names. Is there some doctrinal guidance I’m missing here? Because I just think it is cultural and maybe that’s why I’m so hung up on it.
The other thing that I find odd and still haven’t gotten used to is the use of the full name. I can’t tell you the last time somebody called me Timothy. Again, I don’t identify with that name. I’m sure this is a practice rooted in the family ancestry ties and beliefs of the Church and for official records, blessings, etc. I’ve got no problem with that. But should I ever be called to speak at Conference, I’m going to fight for the overlay on the television to be “Tim Heuer” and not “Timothy K. Heuer” – heck there have been times I’ve forgotten my middle name because it is never uttered. I suppose one could argue that such talks are “official” and any business of the Church is official and thus documented for our posterity…which that might fly with me.
I’m just saying, if you see me in Church…I’m Tim, feel free to call me that and skip the Brother :-).
Since becoming a member one of the things I get confused about from time to time is the authoritative direction given by the First Presidency. I have often felt that there has been times where they don’t want to get their fingers dirty, and then there are issues where they get deeply involved in controversy and politics. I remember one such moment in my research in becoming a member around the salamander letters (later admitted by Hinckley I believe as a moment of the Church’s history they could have done better in public politics/opinion). I’ve been a member now through almost 3 presidential election time periods and can distinctly remember (and I’m sure it will happen again) letters being read to the congregation from the Office of the First Presidency regarding politics (also known as ‘political neutrality’). In fact it is an item in the Newsroom:
The Church does not:
- Endorse, promote or oppose political parties, candidates or platforms.
You may remember this too, as in fact it does generally only get read around elections of candidates rather than periods of topic-related issues. Because of this, I’ve often thought that the Church remains neutral to the land law all the time. Maybe I’m a sleeper, but I’ve not recalled a moment in my history with the Church where they’ve been so politically involved before…or even at all. These letters are etched in my memory of the opposite in fact. In 1995, the Proclamation to the World was issued by the Church and presumably should have put to rest the thoughts on family for the Church. It is a wonderful message and one I am proud that our faith has so widely declared. I’ve recently told my wife that I really think it should be hanging proudly in our home. I can’t think of a better discussion piece than a document/message that stresses our belief in the family unit than the Proclamation.
Fast-forward 13 years.
Actually you don’t have to fast fowrard that far. This same issue arose in California in May 1999 where declarations were made as well. The issue of same-sex marriage still exists. There are arguments on all partisan lines about it. Yesterday (13 AUG 2008), the Church issued a note on The Divine Institution of Marriage. Personally I wish the word ‘institution’ wouldn’t be used…it has such a connotation about it that is counter to the word ‘family’ to me. The message is in direct response to constitutional changes proposals in various states to ensure that marriage be defined as between a man and a woman. The message, outlines the defense of this message to readers in various areas and not just one singular view from faith. The message also talks about the difference from tolerance versus belief and that we should continue to be Christ-like to our friends and neighbors and exhibit ‘love thy neighbor’ traits. Being tolerant doesn’t mean that you have to be accepting of the same belief. it’s a struggle on both sides…those that will look at this message and chastise the Church will not be tolerant of our views either…double-edged sword.
But back to my point…such a strong, vocal stance on not only the issue, but a directive toward local political voting. It made me wonder what was going on here? I thought the Church stayed out of politics. Reading back to the political neutrality we can read that the Church does:
Reserve the right as an institution to address, in a nonpartisan way, issues that it believes have significant community or moral consequences or that directly affect the interests of the Church.
And therein lies the involvement…moral issues. It still is odd to me as that one could argue one candidate’s platform strikes at the moral issues of our society as well. The struggle I have is that perception=reality. You can put any asterisk on a policy you want, but when you stay so neutral for most issues and then lurch out with a wide campaign encouraging your members to actively get involved, vote for the amendment, etc. it sends a weird message of a double-standard and confusion to those already looking for a way to probe our faith.
Please don’t misunderstand me here. I am for the family. I’m just confused to our own organization’s policies and involvements. I’ve been told that this has happened in the past though during debates on public education and other interesting times in our nation’s history. So maybe this is just new to me as a convert, which is fine…I’ll have to get used to it. It will be interesting to me to watch this get played out in the political and public forums. Regardless I still stand by my personal beliefs and think the Proclamation is an inspired message and this new message on marriage helps explain it deeper and put things in our faith’s perspective more.
But part of me can’t help but think that we’re acting a little like Sweden here – sit back a lot until the shores are attacked, then bring out the nukes. Maybe a more balanced, continued involvement with politicians would help things in the long run?
For the past 4 years, my neighbors and I have enjoyed a 2.5 hour block. That’s right suckers…2.5 hours. Why? Did you ever see Gremlins where the little Gizmo dude got water on him and a zillion fur balls grew? Something like that. The area where I live has grown in the past 10 years from 1 branch to 5 stakes, all within the same basic defined boundaries as the original branch. Crazy huh. Crazier is that it’s a real active area.
Because of this growth each building (we were in short supply) was cramming 4-6 wards in it each Sunday. To accommodate we trimmed the blocks by 30 minutes. With that came mental adjustments for everyone. People shortened their lessons, rushed kids to primary, etc. But overall, we still accomplished what needed to be done and people were diggin’ the block. Until now. New building. Back to the 3 hour block. And for the Cortina 1st Ward…8 AM!!! Seriously, what productiveness can be done by getting your up that early on a weekend with household members kicking and screaming…in addition to the kids. I don’t work well that early in the morning.
Growing up Catholic, we just went to “Mass” – whenever we wanted. Sure you belong to a Parish, but that’s a pretty loose definition. I’m sure the Catholic church has similar boundary rules, but I don’t recall anyone ever following anything…you went where (and when) you felt comfortable…as long as you went. We would go to 9am Mass, 11am Mass and sometimes later…there were options still to accommodate the crowds and we could go when we wanted. That’s a big change that I’ve gotten used to over the years is this Ward concept – you go where you are told and nowhere else. I like how it does make you closer to those you associate with in Sacrament meeting, but man is it hard to be motivated that early in the morning. I’m not sure there is a best time, but if I had to pick, I’d say 9:30 is the sweet spot for me. Enough time to sleep in, home for a lunch, home to get kids into some quiet time and take a nap. I know that a lot of decisions in the Church are inspired, but I’m going on a limb here and say inspiration loses out over logistics all the time when planning Ward meeting schedules. I envision Bishops in a game of poker…er…um…bingo, well whatever, a game of negotiating to determine who gets the short straws of 8am and 3pm Ward meeting times. We lost this time around :-(.
Oh, and then the announcement of “next Sunday will be Stake Priesthood Leadership meeting…at 6am” – what kind of vitamins are these leaders taking that they function that early!?
I re-read my post about my intentions of this site and don’t want to make it only about my story, so I’ll dispense with the waiting, put this post up about my baptism and first year and move along to more philosophy :-).
Baptism
As I previously wrote, I was baptized about 6 or so months after I started the discussions. It was November 1995 in Flagstaff, AZ (for those not familiar with Arizona…it’s cold there). None of my family attended. None of my fraternity brothers or friends attended. Only my new friends (of which I barely knew) from the institute attended. I remember only 3 things from that day. First was the suit. They only had the one piece jumpsuits, and none in my size. I felt like the Michelin man for sure. I remembering having to roll the legs up about 10 times. It was pretty embarrassing walking out like that…especially since some of the ladies came to welcome me into the Ward. At any rate it was done. Bishop Mayes baptized me that day.
The second thing I remember was getting out of the suit. One of the Elders (the original pair had since transferred) was from Russia, Elder Kabanov. Man that dude could play piano. While I was getting my suit back on I started hearing the most beautiful rendetion of Canon in C I’d ever heard. To this day whenever I hear that song it brings me immediately back to that moment. It really was breathtaking. I have no idea what happened to Elder Kabanov, but I hope he is well…great personality even if he was a little too energetic.
The third thing was the confirmation. When Bishop Mayes said to me “receive the Holy Spirit” I think I felt what probably most people do. Whether it is anticipating that feeling or not, you definitely have a sense of something that goes through every sensory receptor in your body. It too, was magical. I remember a lot of tears…but it was a happy day. Nothing much more eventful happened other than getting some inscribed set of scriptures, which was pretty cool.
The next year
The next year wasn’t like I was set on serving a mission or anything. Quite the contrary was that I had some trying times. I met some great people (including my now wife) and my girlfriend and I split. I had some trying times with my fraternity and did some things, that while I still believe were right, alienated me from my life-long friends. I took a job with my international fraternity after graduating that year and started traveling the world. I lived in Iowa City for a while and attended a Ward there – very, very small and didn’t feel like I fit.
At each of my travels in the Northeast part of the country I made sure I stopped by all the Temples that I could even though I was not yet able to enter. They are remarkable structures that you can’t help but notice. I distinctly remember traveling near DC and coming up a hill on a freeway and seeing the majestic DC Temple peer over the freeway…it was inspiring.
The job didn’t pan out too well after I totaled my car in Pittsburgh and soon after I left back to Flagstaff. Upon my return I met up with friends again from the institute and begin being smitten with one of them (yes, female). A few months later I asked her to marry me. That was October. We were to wed in December of 1996. In November 1996 we decided to go to the Temple together for our first times. Knowing about the year rule and such we made plans accordingly (or so we thought). My Bishop and Stake President interviewed me and signed my recommend. We were set.
Upon arriving to the Temple I set off on the process and then was halted. The Temple President came to find me and let me know that I was one week before my year date and there was an issue with that. Hmm, odd that two of the other leaders what would have missed that. They had been trying to get in touch with my Bishop (who was on his way from Flagstaff and there wasn’t great cell phone coverage at that time). When he finally arrived there was some long delay but we continued. Later when I asked him what he had to do, he stated that they had a conference call with the office of the First Presidency. Um, whoa.
Now before I mention my Temple experience I should note that prior to this being in a fraternity I became infatuated with rituals. I had done about as much research as you can do on the subject and had the Masonic ritual virtually memorized.
The Temple was great in a weird and confusing sort of way. After I went through that day in November 1996 I returned every day for the next 20 or so days. I’m not kidding. I would go right after work. I needed to soak it in. I can’t say that I fully comprehend anything still but it was a pretty intense month. My most favorite part of the Temples is the Baptistry still.
Marriage
In December 1996 I married Lisa as planned. My father and mother (still going through a divorce) were there and my mother, along with Lisa’s grandmother, attempted to enter the Temple themselves (both non-members). They apparently made a little scene and the Temple President came out to talk with them. They waited in the lobby area until we got out. I never heard the end of it for a long time and occasionally Lisa’s grandmother still reminds her she wasn’t there to see her get married. We had 4 people plus the sealer in our ceremony: our Institute Bishop and his wife and Lisa’s parents. That’s it. It was quick. She was beautiful (and still is). Marriage hasn’t been super easy but after 11 years we’re getting the hang of it now and have two great kids. Our daughter Zoe is almost 6 and our son Zane just turned 2. Great kids. Great family.
12 years later
This year will be 13 years a member for me. I haven’t looked back. I’m confused about some things, disagree about others and try to find things to question always…it’s in my nature. But I’m a better person today for becoming a member, I’m sure of it. There were times of inactivity for me, but we now live in a great area and super strong family-driven community. I couldn’t imagine living without our friends that we have now. My neighbor across the street is Bruce Porter, who was one of Hugh Nibley’s research partners…so you could imagine how intense Sunday School is when he teaches…I’ve learned so much. I don’t celebrate my baptism at all with any fanfare whatsoever. In fact this year I didn’t even think of it at all…I guess that’s a good thing. My family has now seen me bless our two children, I’ve given blessings to my father during a heart transplant ordeal and I think they all have ‘gotten over it’ about my choices and see what good it has brought to my life (and theirs in my family). I look at my patriarchal blessing and cringe if those all come true…I better start preparing now :-0 – especially since the new Bishopric for our Ward that was just called is all my age. Yikes.
Since I consider this a site about my ‘musings from a convert’ I suppose it is appropriate to tell my story of conversion. I’ve told this a few times now in various Wards and to friends, and I’m sure each time I embellish a little more – I’ll try to keep it real here :-). Conversion experiences can be deeply personal ones and affect people differently. I hope not to offend anyone in the process of telling my story.
I attended college at Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, Arizona. About my sophomore year I found out my parents were splitting after 25 years of marriage. By this time my sister (whom also went to NAU) had graduated college and moved on with her life. The news of this impending divorce struck me hard. Real hard. The details are scandalous which made it even worse. Let’s just say it wasn’t a split of the “we’re just not getting along anymore” type. It struck me to the core enough that I still don’t think I’ve fully recovered a definition of family…but that’s for another post I guess.
During the next few years I struggled trying to rectify this and became close with a bunch of people, namely my fraternity brothers (I’m a Delta Chi in case you were wondering). I was glad to have a close family of ‘brothers’ that I could escape reality with. And being around sorority girls didn’t hurt either. During this time I became involved in educational leadership quite a bit. I went to a lot of leadership conferences across the country. One was a Sigma Phi Epsilon conference. At the time, their motto was “Balanced Man” (it is now a little more politically correct with ‘Balanced Leaders’). The Balanced Man was a philosophy of living a balanced life in the categories of emotional, physical and spiritual well being. I was at this conference and attended a session about the Balanced Man philosophy. It was presented by a Zig Ziglar graduate so you know it was good. He talked about these areas of your life and why they are such key pillars for a foundation of well being. At this time I was weight-lifting at least 4 days a week and rode my bike everywhere (a stark contrast to 60lbs later today). Emotionally I was in a high. I was dating someone great, had great friends and was pretty much on my own living what I felt was a responsible life. I was happy. Spiritually…hmmm, not so much. It wasn’t that this ever bothered me before, it just wasn’t in my life anymore – in any form. Spirituality in this philosophy wasn’t just about religion, but to me it was – and made me reflect on my life at that point in this category.
I was raised Catholic (my father is Lutheran, but now practices under the ‘I believe there is a God, I just don’t think I need to be a part of organized religion to believe that’ church. At this point I was working for a great guy, Frank Shushok, who was a devout Baptist. I told him about my reflections and he invited me to talk about it more with him. He invited me to his church as well, which I attended. I also went back to my Catholic roots and attended church. Nothing I found felt right…at all. I can say that with all sincerity.
As it was I was living in my fraternity house (we were the only ones with a physical off-campus house, so you could imagine the lifestyle :-)). I was surrounded by great guys, but all a bunch of pranksters. Unknown to me the girl I was dating at the time was LDS. I didn’t really know what LDS was to be honest. I grew up in an area that, upon reflection, probably wasn’t a high LDS population. There were no seminaries near my schools and I didn’t recall any friends (granted I was – and maybe still am – a dork in high school) really mentioning anything. So my prankster fraternity brothers decided that it would be funny to call the missionaries for me. I didn’t know this was happening of course, nor did they know I had been seeking some spirituality. I get a call that went something like this:
Caller: Hi, Tim? This is Elder <whomever> from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We received your inquiry about a Book of Mormon.
Me: huh?
Caller: Didn’t you call a number on the television?
Me: (chuckling) No, but what can I do for you?
Caller: Well, we’d like to talk with you about our Church if you are available?long pause
Me: You know what, sure.
Caller: Great, when can we come over?
Me: Um, probably not a good idea to come here. Where can I meet you?
And you know how it goes. I began meeting the missionaries at the Institute in Flagstaff. It was an interesting experience. I did feel welcome. I also sensed the newness of the Elders at that time but I listened with real intent. Things started to feel right (and some a little odd). I remember attending my Business Law class one day (I graduated with a criminal justice degree and now I’m a software developer, go figure) when my instructor, Tom Palmer, approached me in the hallway. So how are those missionary discussions going? Fine, I replied with a freaked out look. He just walked away with a smile. Turns out he was the Stake President. Nice. Total sidenote: but best professor I had…ever. The same experience happened with the father of the girl I was dating. Turns out, he was a Bishop. What is going on?! I was thinking to myself. I had lunch with Bishop Mayes one day and he asked me how things were going and was curious why I wasn’t telling his daughter that I was taking the discussions (and I wasn’t telling anyone at all). I told him this was a very personal process for me and I couldn’t have it clouded with external influences – any decision had to be my own, completely.
Well after the course of 6 months or so I took all the discussions and was baptized in November 1995. It was a beautiful day and process of which I’ll share at some point here as well…maybe the next post. I was surrounded by great people who helped me learn and discern for myself what the right decision was. From President Palmer, Bishop Norman Mayes and Bishop Dennis Kelley were all great men that have inspired my spirituality to-date.
So there you have it. Fraternity prank gone bad (for them) is my ultimate conversion story. And no, my current wife is not the girl I was dating. As you could imagine it was a tough road to explain to family and friends my decision. Actually it was only tough for them to accept it (and some still haven’t). Everyone becomes an expert on theology when you decide to make a decision for your life.
So that’s my story…hmm, now on to the balanced man physical part again – maybe I should go back to that conference.
Hey there. I’m Tim and I’m a convert.
Hi Tim.
I’m a program manager for Microsoft working on some wicked cool technology, but that’s not what this site is about. I have a site dedicated to that and my other geekiness if you are interested in reading about that stuff. About a month ago I was having lunch with some friends in our neighborhood, some good friends, and we started talking about Ward stuff like neighbor friends always do. It got me thinking to all the thoughts I have floating around in my head about the Church. Things I don’t know, things I might disagree with, questions I have, etc. I had no place really to journal my thoughts. Sure a literal journal is probably the best thing I could do in this predicament. I can’t remember the last time I’ve used paper and pen to journal anything though (shame on me I know).
My other site is super geeky. I didn’t want to dilute my content over there or alienate any readers over there who weren’t interested in my questions of the Heavens. I’m not ashamed of who I am or my faith. I’m very proud of my individual beliefs. No, I don’t walk around with a Book of Mormon sitting on top of my laptop or anything, nor do I have any CTR rings, stickers, or anything. I’m generall the same guy I’ve always been, but now I’m just LDS :-) — when people learn this it usually sparks an I thought so feeling in them. I hope that is because my actions are a good example for others.
So I decided to start this site, A view from the Font, my thoughtstream from a converted member. I hope I don’t offend. Heck it might be an echo chamber for all I know. But I know it will make me feel good about writing some things down at least. I was inspired to do this after I saw the Church embracing more technology, more outreach and encouragement of digital missionary work. Also my good friend runs the Mormon Archipelago and maybe he’ll think I’m cool enough to link there. He’s a pretty smart dude and I’ve learned a lot from him and other neighbors these past couple of years.
Anyway, it’s an expirment if anything else, so here goes. I encourage comments where you feel inclined to do so.
Comments from others…