Last Saturday, despite being the day of our annual holiday Festivus party, it started as a pretty rough day. People disagreeing, arguments ensue, etc. Hey, these things happen. Hopefully we all have it within us to try to temper our emotions (some of us better than others—and I’m NOT speaking of myself). That Saturday wasn’t one of those moments. Before our party, my kids were going to be picked up to stay at Grandma’s for the night so that we could party ‘til the wee hours of the morning (yeah right).
As my stress level was at the highest and my emotions boiling over, my daughter stops on her dash to the car picking her up, turns around and drops her backpack and runs back. She ran up to me gave me a great big hug and simply said ‘I love you dad.’
My heart had never been so full as it did in that moment. I didn’t let her go. And she didn’t mind that either which made the moment even more precious to me. It was the absolute best moment I’ve ever experienced as a parent so far. The moment felt like hours but I’m sure it was only a few seconds. My eyes were definitely watery (I’m an emotional sap anyway) and all I remember is whispering to her “thanks Zoe, I really needed that.” I let her go and she was off. She probably has no idea how important that moment was for me and for our relationship as father-daughter. I’ve written it in my journal and hopefully one day she can appreciate it.
It reminded me of the awesome responsibility of parenthood. And not ‘awesome’ as in the ‘far our cool’ sense, but the weight of us as parents. I think that every decision in my life now has a third pivot of analysis – how does it affect my children. This is as simple as going out to dinner with friends to job changes that might affect moving, etc. We, as parents, don’t decide for ourselves anymore, but rather decide for those we preside over in our family. How can I think it is okay to decide about a great job opportunity if it involves taking my children away from an environment that they love so much? Sure, they are young and it is likely they can make new friends, adapt to new schools, etc. – but to simply discount those as trivial seems irresponsible. I haven’t yet had to hit these types of walls yet, but I know that I eventually will.
I’m comforted though that my experience in my faith helps me through these times as a parent and helps guide me to what is right in life. I’m hopeful that as time passes that I can continue to be strong with my children and teach them what I believe and why…to help them discern for themselves the spirit that they feel when thinking about such matters of faith. I guess that only time will tell.
But thank you Zoe for that moment…and I love you too – more than you can even imagine.
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