We had invited all our extended family to attend the event, but since we moved from Arizona we knew that not everyone would be able to make it and would be surprised if anyone could.  We actually contemplated doing it back in Arizona so that we could be closer with friends and family, but ultimately decided that where our Ward is would be just fine.  My wife’s parents and my mother decided to make the trip.  I was sincerely grateful that they chose to come.  I was actually surprised that my mother, not of LDS faith, decided to come…more on that later.

The process leading to Baptism for my daughter was an interesting one for me.  I felt the responsibility of helping her come to the decision (or I suppose it’s an affirmation for an 8 year old most of the time) of Baptism.  I tried my best to help her understand what it meant and the importance.  With her attention span (which is less than mine :-)) it was difficult at times.  Despite the fact that she had been given lessons in Primary about Baptism and our efforts to specifically have family nights centered around the theme, she still got frustrated feeling like she didn’t know the answers to really what the purpose was.  The week before her interview with the Bishop I got much more serious about it (and perhaps too stern at times!) in my discussions with her and we talked about what Baptism meant each moment I had with her.  I tried not to coax her into any answers but rather wanted her to recall the things I already know she had learned.  Eventually she finally felt comfortable in her confidence of the meaning.

We met with the Bishop (who is a new Bishop) and she was VERY concerned about the process.  You wouldn’t think she’s shy if you saw her in her own setting, but around adults she is very shy and apprehensive.  The Bishop was very kind and asked her the same things we had been discussing more earnestly the past week.  She promptly answered all his questions to his satisfaction and he was pleased that she would be Baptized.

My wife had struggled to find just the “right” dress for her (our daughter is pretty picky about clothing).  Eventually a week before we found one that she was happy about…at a bridal shop (hint to those looking for the perfect white dress in a season where it is impossible to find them!).  Our daughter picked it out and declared it to be the one.  And of course, she looks beautiful in it.

My mother was in town for the occasion but I felt that she had forgotten about the actual event and instead was just coming to hang out with the kids.  I have to admit I was a little disappointed in what I felt was unpreparedness for this important event for my daughter and our family.  On the other hand I could tell my mother just wasn’t in tune with the importance.  I’ve not had conversations with my mom about spiritual stuff in a long time and I’m guessing she’s not really attending church or have a strong faith in God anymore…just a hunch.  Another struggle we had the entire weekend was that my mother uses “Oh my God” as slang in almost every sentence.  It’s not as striking as hearing the F-word every 3rd word, but when you have changed your belief about things of the spirit, you notice these things more.  It also was extremely hard to see my daughter try to process it as she heard it…after all we’ve told her that is not appropriate to use Heavenly Father’s name like that when we talk.  A few times I tried to correct her, leaning over and whispering “gosh Mom, say ‘gosh’” but it didn’t stick.  A little part of me felt she didn’t like to be corrected and was just going to do whatever she wanted.  Regardless I didn’t feel like she was making an effort to understand, let alone correct.

The day of Baptism came and my daughter saw the font in a different light as she’d be the one in it this time.  Her mother helped her get dressed in the outfit as I went to the men’s room to squeeze into my jump suit (yeah, my girth being disproportionate to my height makes fitting into things like that ‘interesting’).  We would be the first of 3 being Baptized this day, which made my daughter happy.  Her grandmother (my mother-in-law) gave the opening talk on Baptism and it was great and age-appropriate.  We then went into the waters with my father-in-law and our Bishop serving as witnesses.  I had rehearsed the exact ordinance in my mind a lot of times and was sure I’d screw it up.  But I didn’t.  Everything went fine and we retreated to change into our clothes.  When I came out of the bathroom I saw my daughter in her white dress with a smile on her face.  She was absolutely beautiful and innocent.  I pondered for only a second if she comprehended the importance of the ordinance that just occurred.

We concluded with the Confirmation of the Holy Ghost, accompanied by my home teacher and one of the Elders who we’ve come to enjoy his company in visits to our home.  It was a great day.  My daughter got a journal to record her thoughts for the day (an awesome gift) among other things like her new personalized scriptures.  I will indeed need to record more personal thoughts in my journal this evening.

As I walked into the font, I couldn’t help but flash back almost exactly 15 years ago when I was in the same outfit, yet on the receiving end.  A man of 21 having made what appeared to be such an odd decision to my family and friends, I walked into the font and made the decision to be baptized.  Now 15 years later I am able to do the same for my family and ensure they have the same opportunity to grow a faith in the Gospel that I have come to know.

Six years is a good amount of time to get rooted in friends, schools, familiarities, etc.  My family is lucky (for lack of a better term) in the sense my kids are young and their roots aren’t that deep yet.  My oldest is 7 and has one year of school (minus kindergarten) under her belt.  My youngest can adapt to anything (I think/hope).  It was hard to decide to do this move on several levels, but mostly for us – mom and dad – leaving everything we know to be comfortable.

Moving sucks.

We’ve been in our new place for almost a month now and in the third week my daughter had a bit of a breakdown.  This wasn’t spawned by random emotion but rather from her mother telling her we probably weren’t going to have friends over today to play (as she has for the past 3 weeks daily) and that the house needed some cleaning attention.  My daughter was not happy about this and it spawned her to claim that this was the boringest day in the world and the meltdown started.  Apparently she started to get angry about not seeing her other friends and then perhaps realized the sense that she wouldn’t be seeing them regularly anymore.

The next day my daughter reminded me of her episode and told me: Daddy, I got homesick yesterday. Which was a good opportunity for me to have a brief but serious conversation with her.  I asked her what happened, what she missed and a few other questions.  Her bottom line was this: I miss our home.  I have to admit that I’ve been missing our friends as well a lot.  But her comment struck an emotion in me and I quickly responded with this:

Zoe, as long as you have mom, dad and your brother, you are home.  Home is wherever we are a family.  When we are together, we are home.

I’m not sure if she understood or not, but it really made me think if I believed myself even.  I’ve contemplated it a bit and I think I do. 

For me, as long as I have my family, I’m home.

As a introductory question to the lesson today, our instructor asked the room full of about 30 fathers the following question:

Who grew up in a home that had family prayer?

Now, our Elder’s Quorum is filled with a range of age groups.  My best guess is that there is enough range to represent 4 different generations.  Upon hearing this question – I knew my answer was no – I expected a different response than what I saw.  I knew how I looked at certain people in my Ward and pegged some as the Peter Priesthood types and assumed their extended family was too.  After some chuckling of Can you qualify the parameters of that question?  Every day? Individual or all family? etc., the room had no hands in the air.

I was taken back a bit.  I’m not sure what the next 5 minutes discussion was.  I only know my thoughts were: I’m not alone.  But those thoughts came with shock as well.  Here is 4 generations of families…surely someone grew up in a home that followed the guidance of the Lord?  It was comforting and alarming at the same time.  Alarming in that how could I, a lowly convert who struggles constantly with a lot of things, be successful in the simple ask of family prayer, when those Peter Priesthoods weren’t successful either?  Comforting in that I’m human.

I mentioned the word habit above.  Perhaps here lies the problem.  If prayer becomes a habit, does it follow the guidance from Elder Bednar?  Is it always?  Sure if it is your habit.  Is it with sincere gratitude?  Hmm, for the routine things?  Do you pray for others?  Wow, beyond my family you mean?  Maybe I’ve been looking at this wrong the whole time.  If I’m trying to form a habit, I surely will succeed in forming one, but fail in the desired outcome of why I’m forming the habit.  I do want to have family prayer.  Despite my struggles religiously, I do want my children to establish their own thoughts on prayer and I want them to see that I have faith in that belief.

This small exercise today had me think the rest of the afternoon about my legacy on my family.  So I challenge you as well.

What is your family’s legacy on prayer?

I hope that my thoughts turn to sincere actions and a change of heart from habit to desire.

Tonight as I did this routine, I pulled the sheets back and discovered something poking out beneath her pillow.  This is what I pulled out:

This was unsolicited.  Something she probably was drawing today while keeping herself busy.  A HUGE smile came across my face and my eyes teared up.  I am so humbled to have been rewarded in my life with such a wonderful spirit in my daughter and son.

I love my family too, Zoe.

As my stress level was at the highest and my emotions boiling over, my daughter stops on her dash to the car picking her up, turns around and drops her backpack and runs back.  She ran up to me gave me a great big hug and simply said ‘I love you dad.’

My heart had never been so full as it did in that moment.  I didn’t let her go.  And she didn’t mind that either which made the moment even more precious to me.  It was the absolute best moment I’ve ever experienced as a parent so far.  The moment felt like hours but I’m sure it was only a few seconds.  My eyes were definitely watery (I’m an emotional sap anyway) and all I remember is whispering to her “thanks Zoe, I really needed that.”  I let her go and she was off.  She probably has no idea how important that moment was for me and for our relationship as father-daughter.  I’ve written it in my journal and hopefully one day she can appreciate it.

It reminded me of the awesome responsibility of parenthood.  And not ‘awesome’ as in the ‘far our cool’ sense, but the weight of us as parents.  I think that every decision in my life now has a third pivot of analysis – how does it affect my children.  This is as simple as going out to dinner with friends to job changes that might affect moving, etc.  We, as parents, don’t decide for ourselves anymore, but rather decide for those we preside over in our family.  How can I think it is okay to decide about a great job opportunity if it involves taking my children away from an environment that they love so much?  Sure, they are young and it is likely they can make new friends, adapt to new schools, etc. – but to simply discount those as trivial seems irresponsible.  I haven’t yet had to hit these types of walls yet, but I know that I eventually will.

I’m comforted though that my experience in my faith helps me through these times as a parent and helps guide me to what is right in life.  I’m hopeful that as time passes that I can continue to be strong with my children and teach them what I believe and why…to help them discern for themselves the spirit that they feel when thinking about such matters of faith.  I guess that only time will tell.

But thank you Zoe for that moment…and I love you too – more than you can even imagine.

The Church does not:

• Endorse, promote or oppose political parties, candidates or platforms.

You may remember this too, as in fact it does generally only get read around elections of candidates rather than periods of topic-related issues.  Because of this, I’ve often thought that the Church remains neutral to the land law all the time.  Maybe I’m a sleeper, but I’ve not recalled a moment in my history with the Church where they’ve been so politically involved before…or even at all.  These letters are etched in my memory of the opposite in fact.  In 1995, the Proclamation to the World was issued by the Church and presumably should have put to rest the thoughts on family for the Church.  It is a wonderful message and one I am proud that our faith has so widely declared.  I’ve recently told my wife that I really think it should be hanging proudly in our home.  I can’t think of a better discussion piece than a document/message that stresses our belief in the family unit than the Proclamation.

Fast-forward 13 years.

Actually you don’t have to fast fowrard that far.  This same issue arose in California in May 1999 where declarations were made as well.  The issue of same-sex marriage still exists.  There are arguments on all partisan lines about it.  Yesterday (13 AUG 2008), the Church issued a note on The Divine Institution of Marriage.  Personally I wish the word ‘institution’ wouldn’t be used…it has such a connotation about it that is counter to the word ‘family’ to me.  The message is in direct response to constitutional changes proposals in various states to ensure that marriage be defined as between a man and a woman.  The message, outlines the defense of this message to readers in various areas and not just one singular view from faith.  The message also talks about the difference from tolerance versus belief and that we should continue to be Christ-like to our friends and neighbors and exhibit ‘love thy neighbor’ traits.  Being tolerant doesn’t mean that you have to be accepting of the same belief.  it’s a struggle on both sides…those that will look at this message and chastise the Church will not be tolerant of our views either…double-edged sword.

But back to my point…such a strong, vocal stance on not only the issue, but a directive toward local political voting.  It made me wonder what was going on here?  I thought the Church stayed out of politics.  Reading back to the political neutrality we can read that the Church does:

Reserve the right as an institution to address, in a nonpartisan way, issues that it believes have significant community or moral consequences or that directly affect the interests of the Church.

And therein lies the involvement…moral issues.  It still is odd to me as that one could argue one candidate’s platform strikes at the moral issues of our society as well.  The struggle I have is that perception=reality.  You can put any asterisk on a policy you want, but when you stay so neutral for most issues and then lurch out with a wide campaign encouraging your members to actively get involved, vote for the amendment, etc. it sends a weird message of a double-standard and confusion to those already looking for a way to probe our faith.

Please don’t misunderstand me here.  I am for the family.  I’m just confused to our own organization’s policies and involvements.  I’ve been told that this has happened in the past though during debates on public education and other interesting times in our nation’s history.  So maybe this is just new to me as a convert, which is fine…I’ll have to get used to it.  It will be interesting to me to watch this get played out in the political and public forums.  Regardless I still stand by my personal beliefs and think the Proclamation is an inspired message and this new message on marriage helps explain it deeper and put things in our faith’s perspective more.

But part of me can’t help but think that we’re acting a little like Sweden here – sit back a lot until the shores are attacked, then bring out the nukes.  Maybe a more balanced, continued involvement with politicians would help things in the long run?